More Breastfeeding Woes...

I found this information on a breastfeeding website yesterday (entitled "Common Myths About Breastfeeding"):

"Babies who are breastfed on demand are likely to be "colicky". Not true! "Colicky" breastfed babies often gain weight very quickly and sometimes are feeding frequently. However, many are colicky not because they are feeding frequently, but because they do not take the breastmilk as well as they should. Typically, the baby drinks very well for the first few minutes, then nibbles or sleeps. When the baby is offered the other side, he will drink well again for a short while and then nibble or sleep. The baby will fill up with relatively low fat milk and thus feed frequently. The taking in of mostly low fat milk may also result in gas, crying and explosive watery bowel movements."

This describes Israel to the tee. Ever since I quit pumping and started nursing more, he has been extremely colicky, has had a ton of gas, and had the "explosive watery bowel movements" (probably a little more than you wanted to know). Vince and I have attributed this to several different things- a growth spurt, teeth moving down, his daily antibiotics which mess with his digestion. And those may be factors. I'm convinced, however, that he's simply not good at nursing. He gets the fore milk, which is high in sugars and low in fat, and not the hind milk. I've had a heck of a time trying to put him on a feeding schedule because of it. He will literally nurse for 30 minutes (and he does sleep and nibble an awful lot), and be starving again 30 minutes later. My conclusion is that he's simply not getting enough, he's not gaining enough weight (He was only 10.8 lbs when we weighed him yesterday), and he needs to eat more.
So, it's time to go to formula. He's had about 8 ounces per day for the past few weeks because I suspected he wasn't getting enough milk from nursing. Now, I'll be weaning him. He can nurse in the morning when he is most hungry and usually gets a decent amount. I'll pump in the evening to give him 1 bottle of milk. But I just can't pump exclusively again.

I do feel sad. I tried so hard to breastfeed my baby and now I have to stop after 3 months. It's a sad decision to have to make. Maybe things will be different the next time around!

One thing that's really sweet is that Izzy LOVES nursing. Even though he doesn't do it well, it never fails to calm him down when he's really fussy. It works like magic. I hope I can still comfort nurse him for a while longer, even when my milk supply has slowed down or stopped.

One Year Ago...

It's funny how Christmas never fails to put me in a very reminiscing kind of mood. It seems like time goes by faster and faster every year. Last Christmas morning, I'm pretty sure Vince and I slept in until about 9 or so. I somehow wore size 6 jeans (unbelievable!), and I only put on ONE shirt per day, and it stayed clean! Boy have things changed since then.
Here is a picture of me one year ago today.



I was sitting in my parent's living room, rocking my new nephew to sleep. I remember this exact moment. I remember asking the Lord, as I had done countless times before, for my own little baby to rock to sleep. Vince and I were on our 14th month of trying to get pregnant, and I felt incredibly discouraged.

In my current reminiscing mood, I feel like posting part of a journal entry from last Christmas. I hope you don't mind the vulnerability. Here it is:

December 21, 2007
When we were overseas and trying to learn a different language, during the frustrating times I would remember that God once made a donkey speak. If He can do that, I thought, then surely He can make me speak this language! And the same thing applies now. Today I was reading the Christmas story in Luke. I love how it begins with Zechariah and Elizabeth. They had prayed for probably 30 years for a baby, and God said no. And NOW, when Elizabeth is well beyond child bearing years, she becomes pregnant. How good He is! And how perfect His timing. "This is the way the Lord has dealt with me in the days when He looked with favor upon me, to take away my disgrace among men." (Luke 1:25)

Miraculous? I think so. And then God pulls another impossible feat: Mary, a virgin, becomes pregnant. Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I am a virgin?" The angel answered and said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Mos tHigh will overshadow you; and for that reason the holy Child shall be called the Son of God. And behold, even your relative Elizabeth has also conceived a son in her old age; and she who was called barren is now in her sixth month. For nothing will be impossible with God." And Mary said, "Behold, the bondslave of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word." (Luke 1:34-38)

God has made many promises to me. He is always faithful to complete them. I don't feel that He's promised to give me a child. What He's promised is that He's trustworthy, that He will accomplish the best in my life. But I do believe He is able! If He can cause a post-menopausal woman AND a virgin to bear a child, then He can certainly do so with me. What I love most about the story is Mary's sweet response. As hard as it is for me (and other women too) to not be able to conceive, it was harder by far for an unmarried teenager to be found pregnant in Jewish culture. And yet her response was, Lord, I am Yours; have Your way in me. I pray and hope so much that the Lord does NOT close the door to us having a baby. But more than my desire for a baby is my desire to glorify the Lord, to be wholly satisfied in His plan for me, baby or not. I am Your bondslave; may it be done to me according to Your word.

When we arrive at eternity and see His face, it won't matter what our calling had been in life. It will only matter how well we ran the course that He DID give us, whatever it was. What an honor to be able to accomplish the very thing for which we were created, and that He created us with such a unique design and a plan to use us at all! Our following hard after Jesus in the exact circumstances His love placed us in, and doing so not only with joy but with contentment and satisfaction, brings God MORE glory and does MORE for His kingdom than we possibly could by doing any other thing. Right now, my calling is to be a wife, a missionary to college students, a friend, a sister, a daughter. Not a mother.



It's amazing that 9 months and 5 days after I wrote this I would be a mother. I'm so blown away at how good my God is! I can't believe where He's brought me in a year. Israel is the blessing of a lifetime.

Here we are today.

Thank you, Lord!!

"I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of Him." -1 Samuel 1:27
"For you, O LORD, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy." -Psalm 92:4

My Birthday

I'm 25 today!
Izzy (Vince) got me the sweetest gift ever. I've been wanting and needing a new camera, and they got a really nice one for me! The above picture is what I saw when I turned it on. :)

Since we're driving to Albuquerque tomorrow and staying till after Christmas, we had our Hoppe Family Christmas celebration this morning. We decided that we'd start some new family traditions now that we have a son. Vince and I really desire that Christmas be about celebrating Jesus and all He's given us, and not all about getting cool stuff (although that's fun too). With the current state of the economy and the emotionally rough year we just went through, we are truly realizing that we have so, so much to celebrate. We have a warm home to live in, we never lack good food on our table, and we have too many friends to count.
We really want to instill in our children's hearts the values of generosity and giving to others. So yesterday we all went to Wal-Mart and bought $100 worth of diapers and formula (I was surprised at how much $100 could get!) and brought it over to the rescue mission. I know Israel is too young to realize that we did this with him, but some day he will. We plan to do something like that every year.
This morning we opened the Christmas gifts we had for each other. (We didn't want to bring them to Albuquerque only to have to bring them back home.) Vince got me some exercise videos and a floor mat. Don't worry, he doesn't get put in the dog house for that one. I asked for them. I really want to lose 20 more pounds (although I'm proud of myself for having lost 25 already. I gained 45 pounds with Israel!).
I got Vince some books, CDs, and some winter running clothes! He got incredibly giddy when he opened the Nike cold-weather tights and his running jacket. It was hilarious. He then proceeded to show off all his muscles to me and Israel. He literally ran around the house saying, "Check out these quads, baby! Are they sexy or what?" Here are some pictures.

This is Vince showing off his calves. No, it's not a butt picture, although trust me, he showed that off too.

He's ready to go!

I do have a very handsome husband. He's pretty much wonderful in every way. As I type this he is slaving away in the kitchen baking me a double chocolate cake. (That should help with my weight loss!) And another birthday gift I got was this sweet little letter, written by baby Israel... we must have a genius child if he's writing this well at 3 months!

"Dear Mommy,
I love you! You sacrifice so much so I may be happy. You are the best mommy ever! Thank you for being a good milk source! Also, you are the best diaper changer in the world. Thanks for loving!
Happy Birthday!
Israel :)"

I also received a longer, more romantic and less hilarious-sounding letter from Vince. I won't post it on here because you probably don't want to read it. It's pretty mushy.

Lastly, I wanted to post this video. Did I mention my camera is also a video recorder? It's seriously SO sweet! Anyway, I hope this makes you laugh. We sure did. It also made us realize how much of our time is spent making baby talk. I don't know if that's cute or sad. Or both.

Christmas Izzy

Our dear friend Mandy kindly took some more pictures of Israel with her awesome camera and even more awesome talent. She should go professional, don't you think? (But not anytime soon... she's one of my most favorite friends who also happens to be a coworker, and I don't want her to leave staff.) :) Dear Mandy, thanks again, friend! Once again, the girl at Wal-mart looked at me suspiciously because I was printing off professional-looking pictures.
However, one thing Mandy couldn't do was get Israel to smile during the photo shoot. Now THAT would have truly been amazing. (I couldn't get him to smile, either.) He was being quite stubborn and fussy. That's because he refused to take his nap that morning. Here are my favorite shots:

Silly baby. He thought THIS was nap time! Why couldn't you do that at home?

Is that a hint of a smile, you ask?? Perhaps. But that's all you get, Mom.

This one is my favorite- it's the one I chose for our Christmas cards. Mostly because it makes my heart melt. I can't believe that cutie is MINE!!!

This is The Izzy Dance. Lots of kicking of those cute little feet.

Although the eyes are a little blurry, this is exactly what Israel's pre-meltdown face looks like. I knew what was coming...

...and it came indeed. I thought about putting THIS picture in our Christmas cards! Ha.

Yay for us!

We have very big news to report... are you ready? (No, we are NOT pregnant again. That would be ridiculous. )


Israel is officially NURSING!! I can't believe it. I'd read about some babies who were able to transition from bottle to breast after they got a little older and better at eating, so I though I'd attempt it one last time. With a successful outcome. I'm really excited to ditch my expensive breast pump! (It costs $60 per month to rent.)
I'll only be pumping and bottle feeding if we're going to a place where I won't want to nurse him. Other than that, he's quitting the bottle. :) No more washing or sterilizing or heating up or keeping track of how long milk has sat out, or been in the refrigerator, or having to throw it out if he doesn't drink it all.

I just wanted to share that good news.